the so called rulers

People, don’t blame me if I stay here, or somewhere else in this world.

I’m really tired of reading news about the politics in one country in this world. I have no exact words to describe it. crazy? more than that. good? far from that.

Dear rulers, dear so-called Muslim rulers, please, stop fighting with each other. stop humiliating one another. stop trying to bring down your own brothers and sisters. please be united. why don’t you sit together, discuss and get your brilliant brains together, think of how to make Islam syumul, like our caliphs did. Can’t you? Don’t claim yourself a ruler of Islamic country if you yourself does not act like one. Does not matter who are the people in the video, don’t you feel ashamed? shame for others! shame for yourself!

malu lah weh. kata orang melayu, sopan santun, tapi bab2 benda ni, laju pulak kan nak malukan orang? nak jatuhkan kaum sendiri, saudara sendiri. bangga sangat ke buat macam tu? bangga ke sebarkan aib orang? kata orang islam. kan kita kena simpan aib orang. Sorry lah emo. sebab saya rasa sangat malu. Dia nak mengaku ke tak, antara dia dengan Allah. nak suruh buat sumpah2 pulak. are you playing with Islam? are you playing with God? stop acting like a child! budak kecik pun tau malu la weh!

oh well, I am in the United States. We have freedom of speech here so I can say whatever I want. thank you.

My dreams

I have many dreams. or ambitions. I am a very ambitious person. Or was. I don’t know.

I wanted to be a lawyer. Everyone knows that. at least, people who are close to me know that. But daddy did not let me be one. I was upset once. deep inside me, I promise myself, I will pursue my dream to be a lawyer once I get my first degree. But Alhamdulillah, there’s a hikmah behind it. I’m glad that I listened to daddy. I don’t like readings, especially about politics and crappy laws; and a lawyer needs to know all those stuff. I will flunk my study and my life if I did not listen to daddy. I’m grateful.

I wanted to pursue my study till the very high. I wanted to get a PhD. But I don’t know anymore. Will I be happy if I have a PhD? I want to find something that I will do willingly, not because of other people. because of me and my Creator. I want to do something that will make people happy and put smiles on their faces. and I have a very high dream that I keep on myself because of certain reasons that I cannot tell.

I wanted a very grand marriage. For me, wedding is once in a lifetime’s event; so it has to be grand and memorable. but that was before I understand the true meaning of marriage. What have I learn? I will keep it for myself. will tell you people when i’m ready.

and for now, all I want is just to finish my study and get back home to be with my family. and at the same time. make my parents proud. without them, I won’t be here. without HIM, I will not be here, typing this from the United States.

so what?

So what about skin color?
Or whether you wear hijab or not?
or mini skirts?
or even you are blonde or brunette?

so what?

most important is your heart. whether you are a human being or not. that’s matter. I can be friend with anyone as long as she/he is a human being.

“I don’t mind shaking hands with human being. Are you one?” -Malcolm X-

here and ‘there’

I was so depressed this week. The whole week, I consumed coffee/nescafe/cappuccino everyday just to make me stay awake until late night. and yesterday, the result of my second test for one of the courses were out.  and you know what to expect, right? I don’t have to tell.

and yesterday was my major break down. Alhamdulillah, my  best friend, Nur Farahin binti Rosdi were there for me. I was so hopeless, and stressed, that I had to take ‘something’ so that I could just sleep. I had great sleep. But when I wake up, I’m back to reality. Worrying about my results, my pointers, homeworks, et cetera. So I decided to follow my girlfriends here playing badminton at Field House. It was really good to sweat out and take your mind off things that pressured you in a very healthy way. I had a talk with one of them, and it wakes me up. When I reached home, my housemate’s blog opened my heart. Read it. Seriously.

I had been worrying about my grades. Dunia. This world is just temporary. I struggled for dunia. To get the best result. To get at least 3.00 cgpa. Did I ever struggle to get Allah’s blessing? What if, I changed it this way; struggle in dunia for the Hereafter. That would make it, right? Why worried about the result when you know that the most important result is ‘there’? Whether you make it or not to the final destination? yes, indeed, I have a responsibility because I’m using people’s money. I came here using people’s money. But did I not try my best? I know myself.  and of course, Allah knows. and I should not be tired of trying and working hard. Maybe Allah is testing me, so that I will remember Him and my nawaitu. So that I will work hard to be close to Him. So, from now on, my nawaitu, for Allah. Just for Him.

Mama always reminds me, “Do things because of Allah, inshaAllah, you will do well. If not, don’t be sad. As long as you do your best, Allah counts your efforts. He will reward you, sooner or later. InshaAllah.”

but sadly, I seem to forget it. So, from now on, let’s strive for the best. Here and ‘there’.