midnight blabberness

it’s almost February and I will become 23 in few weeks. The numbers are just numbers but what have I done these years?

But I know one thing, I know now my responsibilities for people that I love, and for my religion; my responsibilities as a muslim.

and inshaAllah, I have things planned after I graduate. Marriage? maybe not yet. marriage is a long way to go. one day, but not soon. But if the true guy, the guy that will guide me to the Paradise propose me, and my mummy and daddy like him, then inshaAllah, I will be more than happy to say yes. But till then, I will keep praying for that. I believe, he is somewhere out there, I just don’t know where, and who. Let it be Allah’s secret. InshaAllah, when the time comes, he will appear and when that moment comes, I’ll pray that Allah will give me guidance and confidence to be someone’s zaujah and I hope when that time comes, I will be ready and prepared. But for now, let’s just prepare ourselves for the next step of our journey because we never know what will happen next. and Let’s just leave everything to HIM. eh and put our best efforts as well. and that includes Doa (prayers). InshaAllah 🙂

p/s: this is totally random. I was just bored and tired of learning Matlab and Numerical Analysis. I could not understand a thing!

mommy, I miss you.

These few days, there are many things been bothering me and so many questions. and I thirst for the answer. I have been seeking for them but still have not find one. I will keep praying and do what I should to have the confidence in the answers. No matter how long, inshaAllah I know I will get them.

Oh today, January 29th is my beloved mama’s birthday. I love my mom more than I love anyone else. She is the most understanding person ever. No one understand me better than my mom and my dad. I used to be so afraid of marriage because I was afraid that my future husband will separate me from my mom and my dad. Even now, I wish I can get married to a guy who live near the place where I live now (in Malaysia of course!). or a husband who are willing to live near to my parents’ house; just because I don’t want to be separated from my parents. I can never thank HIM enough for the greatest gift; a perfect mother for me, Puan Hadijah binti Dalhan. and only Allah knows how much I’m missing her. for 22 years, my mother have always be by my side. When I was in boarding school, my mom and dad came to visit me every weekend. Then I went to KMB where most weekend I went back home or they will come to visit me. now it has been one year and one more year to go. My mother’s patience in educating her children has always amazed me, especially her patience with my emotional fluctuation and my pig-headedness. I know I have been an ungrateful daughter; but mom has always been there no matter what. and my prayers, for Allah to give them happiness, health, forgiveness, and everything. and most importantly, protect them from hell-fire and place them among HIS true believers in jannah; and let us be together, one happy family in the paradise. inshaAllah.

oh and yes, I miss my mom and dad, and kakak, dinie, khalidah, dik saz, and my two twin-alike-brothers, Danish and Aun. and now, every time I go for shop, I will always remember them and buy stuff for them, especially for mama. I think nowadays I shop more for them than myself. boxes of kitchen ware and dining ware are nicely placed on one corner in my room. for who? of course my mom! I love you mama.

cinta utama

Kashaf Imani; speechless. reminded me of so many things. it’s just so hard. I was not brave enough.

Di sebalik senyuman/keceriaan wajah seseorang, tersimpan rahsia yang hanya mampu diluahkan pada Maha Pencipta.
mungkin realiti itu tidak selari dengan kehendak, lalu takut menghadapinya.
keputusan yang diambil tanpa mengambil kira kebarangkalian hakikat sebenarnya, walau hanya sedikit peratusnya.
lidah tidak mampu menuturkan, maka terkuncilah hati dengan pelbagai persoalan yang masih belum terungkai.
memang betul, orang kata, kita boleh tipu orang tapi kita tak boleh tipu hati kita. ‘boleh’ bukan bererti dibenarkan.

it’s okay, yang penting hati ini masih ada DIA. DIA cinta utama. cinta DIA, cinta sebenarnya. ermm, siapa DIA?  🙂

Spring 2012, I am going to nail it! let’s rock it!

|the travelers|

four of us, the travelers, independently traveled to the East of the United States. Each with different personalities that made the journey so much fun and the unforgettable one.

Philadelphia – Washington DC – New York City

Each of them has their own uniqueness. but one common thing about them is the super cheap-easy to get- halal food!
Philly, a big city, and so many historical places to visit.
DC, surrounded by free-admission museums. a clean-big-city, and beautiful. the most amazing is the Metro, the trains and the stations.
NYC, they call it the city that never sleeps.  expensive museums, modern-busy-hectic-crowded city. but I love West Upper High Manhattan.

We celebrated new year at NYC. Times Square? nope! we celebrated with Indonesian families, and super delicious Indonesian cuisine. and talks by Imam Shamsi Ali and a good looking Bangladesh young man who really slapped me straight to my face when he talked about memorizing and reading Quran.

“little but continuously trying”

Praise to Allah who gave us the chance to stay with Ummi Muthiah and family. oh how much I’m missing the kids, Shakeel and Malika. I love the family. I love being there. I love the environment. Ummi and bapak Shamsi are so lucky. inshaAllah, I want to raise my kids like how they did. inshaAllah. and thank you so much Ummi and family for the lovely hospitality.

My hope for the journey was to get my mind off ‘that thing.’  I was hoping that I can get the answer that I want. Whether good or not, I hoped I can go back to Iowa City with a fresh mind. When I was in DC, I felt so calm and relax and I did not stop praying for the answer. and Allah grant my wish when I was in New York. I could not be more happier. Thank you Allah, thank you.

“Bila kita minta pada Allah, minta dengan sungguh-sungguh. and Allah takkan say NO to us. Either He will directly give us what we wish for, or He will grant us with something better, or He will delay and give us what we wish on the perfect time.”

 

January 1st, 2012

Assalamualaikum and hello dearests.

alhamdulillah, first post for 2012. Guess where am I? NEW YORK CITY! It has been a great winter break, a great vacation. All thank to HIM for helping us in everything. really, everything. and I love all the places that I went to. From Philadelphia to Washington DC to New York City. I received a great news when I was at Philadelphia. and I can’t thank HIM enough. I made my parents happy and I know they are so proud of me. Ya Allah, thank you so much.

as for my vacation, I had fallen in love with all the places, especially Washington DC. I can say that I am deeply in love with that place. and yes, I am missing Washington DC. inshaAllah, ada rezeki, I’m planning on staying there. By staying, I mean living there, working there. inshaAllah. If there is a will, there is a way. many ways, as long as we have the strong will and determination to achieve them. InshaAllah. janji Allah itu pasti.

I will talk soon about my vacation when I got back home. home, Iowa City, not Malaysia. Malaysia, inshaAllah, I will come back, sooner or later. inshaAllah.

oh yes, I received this message from my super duper great best friend. It touched my deeply.

“one at a time, hana, you’ll fall in love in everything, because you’re doing it wholeheartedly. so proud of having you as a friend.
Keep Allah insight, family in mind, and the world would be just like heaven by itself.”

Till next time.

“Words are just words if you don’t take further actions. and as for me, those words are just lies”